LOL!!!

So! It has begun... 

The cover of my debut novel is out and the book is days away from gracing bookshelves across bookstores. Is it a new start? Yes. Is it the start of an entirely new career? Yes. Is it the beginning of the only thing I see myself doing henceforth? No. Writing is my passion. My love. It is a part of me and always will be. But if this is the only thing I want to pursue for all my years to come. I don't think so. But right now a more hilarious aspect of my debut makes me laugh out loud every time I think of it. Every time someone mentions it. And every time I look at the cover. 

I am super excited that everyone is loving it. I am also super excited that it has grown on me. Yes! It had to grow on me. My first reaction to it was "WHAT? NO!!!". Really, it was. I was far too skeptical and far too shy of the idea of too much leg as it were on the cover of my debut in the public eye. I thought it was waaaay too much. I was hoping for god knows what... Something different obviously (but that's too much description for this time of the evening so lets just leave it at that for now, shall we?). But as they say, never say never. I said never when I called my best friend after forwarding her the email with the cover attached. I said, "Oh my god! What am I going to do? I will speak with Vaishali now. This can't be the cover. My first book can't look so sexual. Don't you think this is too sexual? It's like this chick is doing something naughty! No. Never. This can't be it!" I was clearly close to a full-blown panic attack and obviously ranting. And She just laughed out loud and said, "you know what, I love it. It is spunky and retro and fun. And that's what your book is. And you know what, these look like your legs! They do. Be honest. Did you pose for this picture?" Imagine my horror as my hear rate climbed several notches and I broke into a sweat. I said, "Shit! This cannot be it. Never. Never. Never. Ever. I am writing back to Vaishali right now."

And the fact that I am recounting this is making me laugh out loud too. As they say, never say never. Oopps! Have I said that already? I think I have. Anyway, so as luck would have it, when I went to the Penguin office in November during my whirlwind trip of India, I was shown the cover with much excitement and I was horrified. After having gone through the entire process of saying I didn't quiet like this option and if they had another one, I had selected something rather different from this. And guess what, predictably, my best friend had not liked it. "Hai hai! You are so boring. Just like I have to force you to wear colour, do I now have to force you to not go with this new option?" she asked, resigned almost.

But coming back to where we were, the look on my face was enough. All I remember Vaishali saying next was, "Oh my god! You don't like the cover! You don't like the cover?" and I just meekly nodded my head and said "no no! This is fine. Good in fact. I like it. Just that it wasn't my first choice that's all. I was expecting to see something different. But his is cool. I like it." I was kicking myself mentally for having said never and for the next couple of weeks slept fitfully at the thought of all the comments I'd have to hear. How this cover got chosen is also another story in itself so we shall leave that aside too for now. 

But having said all this, I am in love with the cover now. I absolutely love it. I do! If I could I would put a poster of it on my back and walk around Florence. 

But I still haven't said out loud what is making me laugh out loud. The fact that everyone has been asking me if those really are my legs. Really. Interestingly mostly from women. Especially those who know about my undying love for shoes and my subconscious ability to constantly wear the shortest shorts or skirts, thus keeping my limbs out for all to see. I quiet like my legs you see and that is something everyone who knows me knows too. If there is one thing I flaunt it will be them limbs. The lower ones that is. And as another dear friend put it, "do you have those shoes. They are so like something you'd have. I want them too." 

LOL.

What are the chances that my debut in the public eye has legs and shoes as its most visible aspects? Seriously! Well, like I always say, when it comes to me, the chances of something like that happening are very high.

And in this case I can firmly rest my case too.

LOL! 

   

What... Why... Am I...

What's my narrative? 
What's my construct? 
Where do I come from? 
Where do I go now? 
Am I one of those who don't belong to a concrete circle? 
Am I one of the few with shifting roots? 
Am I a being born of a reality that seldom surfaces? 
Am I proof of a life that few recognise?

Don't tell me otherwise... I absolutely refuse to believe you!

The good ones always finish last.
Yes they do!
Now don't go say that I’m just saying this because it's been a bad day, a bad week, a bad month or a bad year...
Don't say that it is not true.
It is and I know it as sure as I know that the sun rises from the east and sets in the west.
Trouble is... honesty, simplicity and truth is simply not taken at face value anymore.
We descend from generations of in-between-the-line readers and we take that just another notch higher...
We cannot help it.
The truth is when something is simple, we must complicate it.
We must question it.
We must litter that reality with hypothetical questions and observations drawn from the experience of others.
We must never believe that simple and plain can be true and just as it is... as it appears.
Simple.
It’s too complicated to understand and too simple to be real.
I believe straight and simple is good.
And being good gets you nowhere.
Nowhere.
So yes, I do firmly believe that the good ones finish last.
But then you might want to add, that they are also the ones to have the last laugh.
I might give you that one... For I do believe I will get my laugh too.
Yet, I'd like my laugh before my hair is all silver and my skin all expensive-cream soaked mush pretending to be young.
I'd like to stay good.
Now if only I could infuse a bit of a bitch in right there somewhere.
I wouldn't mind having a laugh a little before the one at the very end.
I'd rather finish a bit sooner.
A bit saner.
A little bit of a sinner.
I'd rather not be good.
Or simple for that matter!

The joke's on me. Again!

Yes, it is!
I find it fascinating just how do I always manage to land at the point called confusion within this circle of things I call my life. Before you throw the ‘circles are round and you always end up coming back to the same point’ analogy at me, allow me to say that I use the word circle for the lack of a better word. You know, circle of life kind of analogy etc etc. I am merely referring to a state of mind where the head is nothing but a muddle of slush.
And what really is sparking this newest onset of slushiness is something that is the really annoying bit. Just when you think all your plans are finally in motion, exactly how you wanted them to be, there comes along a bump and makes you subconsciously shift gears. And this time the gear shifting is of the itchiest kind. As much as I would rather not, I find myself thinking of things I have not yet considered. Listening to songs I usually don’t, staring at the phone and watching the watch. Constantly. And despite this new outbreak of idiocy there is that weight in the pit of the stomach that keeps bringing the head back to sense and reality. A routine conundrum you might say. Just that the first half of this is not routine. And has never been. At least not for me.
And now while I go figure what to do with myself, you may laugh. What are the chances that I will figure this out soon and in a predictable way? Well, for once, I don’t know.

Utterly blank.

I have been utterly blank. Devoid of words and devoid of any creative spark for these past few weeks. I hope this is merely a tiny phase and not a long sabbatical. I am beginning to tire of my capacity to constantly make lists in my head and promptly forget all about them the minute I get home or at work (whatever the relevant location might be at that point in time!) and end up wondering “what all do I have to do?” and not getting much done. Or as much done as I would like to get done.

I am not reading enough. Not writing enough. Not exercising enough. Not getting to work early enough. Not being touristy enough. And now, most times, not even feeling bothered enough.

I marvel at people who always have something interesting to say. Something interesting to do. People who remember to do all the interesting things they can do. Right now I have a pile of unread books and a pile of laundry to iron. And I know which of those options I will end up picking. Nothing interesting to report. Right now not even interested enough to rant. Over and out!

Signs of settling in

When you no longer peer through shop windows on your way to work. When you no longer need to ask where the aisle for baking soda is in a supermarket. When you can text as you walk and look up at exactly the point where you need to cross a road. When you can tell one cheese from the other without having to read the name on the label. When you know which washing liquid is only for hand washing clothes and which one you can use in a washing machine. When the frequently visited coffee shop barista knows what coffee you will order. When he also knows what kind of pastries you like and tell you when he has a fresh batch on offer. When you see the shopkeeper from across the street and wave good morning even though you don’t even know his name. When you have at least three “favourite” restaurants on your list of places you like. When you know which of the three café’s near work has better latte vs better cappuccino. When you don’t hate ironing or doing dishes anymore because you just don’t let it pile up in the first place! When you don’t need music in the house to keep you company. The sounds of the street and the building are enough. And when you know which of those sounds is the lift, the garbage truck, the street washing truck and a pigeon flapping near your open window.

It struck me today that for the last few days I simply don’t use my iTunes playlist as something I simply can not live without. I like that. I am not the kind of person who is always surrounded by the sounds from a speaker or a television set. For 18 months in Mumbai I lived without a tv. I didn’t miss it. I don’t miss it here either. I was amazed at my capacity to sleep with music playing when I first moved here but now I can’t do it anymore. I am back to being normal me! Lolest (as Muna would say!)

And you know what is the best sign of having settled in? Using a quintessential Italian coffee maker to strain adrak wali chai! Hahaha… well I did and it worked. When in need you improvise. I did and I frankly now don’t think I need to go find that strainer afterall.

And on that note, I will take my fevered self to bed for now. And that’s the last sign of having settled in. Everytime I transplant myself to a new place I go through a bout hair fall, skin breaking out and then a nasty flu within the first few weeks. Always. It’s like the body reacting to and then finally accepting the new air, water etc etc etc blah blah blah… And that last bit is happening now! So ciao on that note. Hopefully I will wake up fever less and bright and shiney tomorrow.

And guess what. I came down with this on my birthday. What are the damn chances of that happening? In my case fairly high… Gggrrrrr

 

Moving moving moving...

Literally! That’s what yours truly has been busy with for the last two weeks.

First from temporary apartment to new pretty one on the Saturday before last. Then trips to IKEA just at the outskirts of the city and the Coop (supermarket) over a mile away to get the usual suspects a house needs to become home; bin bags, dustbins, laundry baskets, cleaning supplies, perfumed candles, fleece blankets, cushions, bath mats, flower vase, salad bowl, ice trays, fruit bowl, various kitchen items like little plastic boxes, coffee maker etc etc etc etc etc blah blah blah blah… you get the drift I am sure.

So now that it is all in place I can breathe a sigh of relief. Cooking my first dinner tonight! Grilled chicken. Yay!

Oh! So the moving bit isn’t over yet by the way. I left the land under the Tuscan sun for the first time last weekend. Took Friday off and went to the very north of Italy to get my first view of the Dolomites. Can not thank my dear friend Phil enough for having me over, booking my tickets, coming to pick me up from the nearest town, taking me for lunch to an absolutely awesome place (its off all tourist maps and a local secret!) then hiking in the mountains, fresh grilled trout for dinner and then back to the heat and crowds of Florence on Sunday night. I cannot wait to go back to the mountains. I cant thank his mum and dad enough either for having me over in their cottage and treating me to that awesome fresh fish and proving to me yet again that sometime language ceases to be of consequence. Such amazingly sweet people. And guess what! As usual I had to do something silly. I meant to take chocolates and ended up taking pudding mix from Lindt for Phil’s mum. I didn’t know Lindt did pudding mix…. Oh dear! Some things don’t change do they?

So a weekend of moving houses. Then a weekend of moving through the beautiful Italian landscape. The mountains is where I could just stay and never leave. Sigh… and then a Monday night spent arranging the house back to order. Phew! Can’t wait for next Monday. The last of my 20’s will begin.

These last few days have left me with a deep deep realization. To use Phil’s phrase I feel like I am “straddling two separate worlds.” A life back home, a life I make every time I am far far away and everything in between including my parent’s tireless quest to find me a man and the freaks I have to tolerate in the bargain (mostly a few pictures and a biodata and the most recent case a phone call with the most self important man! Aaarrgghhh!!!). But like dad said yesterday, “living dreams isn’t easy but I know you will be fine.” It all makes sense. In a weird way totally disconnected yet connected statements from two separate conversations and two people living in two entirely separate worlds.

And guess what, I just realized I never really changed my oven’s settings to ‘grill’ from ‘preheat’. Oh well! I guess it will be bread and cheese for dinner and the chicken will be had with salad for lunch tomorrow. Like I always say, when it me the chances of something totally silly happening are fairly high…

And on that note, ciao.

I will be back soon J